Caution: Lengthy post cause I'm ranting.
I love everything about Chinese New Year. Almost.
The spirit of being happy and feeling prosperous for the new year, the fabulous food, the perfect excuse for gambling, the bonding with family and friends etc.
I love it all.
But this year, I spent the greatest time celebrating new year with my friends and B.
I absolutely disliked the gathering at my grandparents' place.
& I think I have the perfect reason to.
I hate it when people judge. And constantly commenting on one single issue, creating a big hoo-ha over it.
I received ten over comments about me being tan and black, consecutively. One aunt, then the next uncle, then the next aunt, asking why I've become so black.
HEY I GET IT. I KNOW I AM TANNED. Stop rubbing it in.
Stop going on and on asking me to 'whiten' up. I would have done so if I feel that I am extremely black, which is what everyone seems to make their point across.
In fact, I feel perfectly fine with how tanned I am so I completely do not get why there is such a big fuss over it. I'm sorry I'm not the stereotype pretty, fair and slim girls like how most of the Chinese population is.
& if you must know, I was already born fairly tanned.
My uncle even came to tell me that I'm fat. Yes, I obviously know. You do not need to make me feel worse on such a joyous occasion.
Everyone has their own preference and taste when it comes to dressing and I personally do not understand why my relatives like to impose a whole different look on me. I am not out to look slutty and I feel that I absolutely do not dress slutty or inappropriate. I do not follow trends either or I'll be wearing crop tees etc last year, which shows half your body.
I dress what fits me best so please do not tell me not to wear this nor that. It is honestly not a good feeling and I feel extremely restricted and unhappy being myself. Again, I am not out to show the world my body.
Extremely envious of parents/relatives who do not comment on their daughter's dress sense and I have seen many friends wearing rather revealing clothes during CNY visits, but hell, they look good and I have double the amount of cloth on my body so why am I still judged by my closest kin?
I think it's ironic and rather nonsensical if they do these just because they care for me etcetc, because it makes me feel like shit firstly.
& secondly, you don't know shit about me.
You don't know what I like to eat, how I'm feeling, what I'm going through, what school I'm in even. (Except for one aunt who is really sweet and gets me clothes which I really love)
Other than that, we are not really that close a family.
And likewise, I don't know shit about you either so I do not comment on anything unless provoked.
I'm starting to like family gatherings less and less. It has become an extremely stressful situation to be in, being judged, talked and discussed about, compared to etc.
I don't know why they fault me for paying more attention to my friends who actually truly have my backs and support me no matter what. Could you blame me for wanting to spend more time with people who makes me happier?
If my closest kin can now judge me with how I look, dress and fare in academics, how else are they different from the strangers I have no ties with in the world?
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