Nova

If there's anything I've learned this year, it would be this.

Never hold on to someone for too long.

Time period differs for every situation. If it's a minor fight with a friend, maybe more than a week or two would be too long.
A great friendship lost could take 1 year or so to be considered too long.

But, never wait or hold on too long.
Cos you end up being the biggest fool and realising that the person has moved on a long time ago and forgotten about you.
If you're trying to fix things and they never work, stop trying.
It's because it's lost forever and even if it does come back together, it's never the same.

So at the end of the day, save yourself time and stop brooding about it.
Because there is a high chance the person you're thinking and caring about doesn't give a shit about you anymore.
Save yourself the disappointment.
Everyone comes and goes. And it's okay.
Deal with it.

Thank you for making me realise it. You were worth every single effort I made and now, it's your loss.

Cosmo

Been caught up with exams and I am very tired.
Took a nap from 3 till 8, that's extreme hibernation.

I've a gift, I think.
Either that or I'm extremely lucky.
Since O levels, I have been spotting topics spot on and three years after O levels, my luck hasn't run out.
Social studies for O levels, many banked on Venice that year and completely crashed when it didn't come out.
I studied only one topic, something about Singapore unity/expertise/cooperation or smth, I completely forgot.
And it came out.

For history, I studied only 2 topics, Stanlin and smth else.
Both came out.

Ever since promos, I've spotted topics and it has caused me to do significantly better.
For international history exams I took couple days ago, I focused on only 5 topics out of almost thirty topics in the syllabus.
3 came out.

I'm just hoping my luck doesn't run out during A levels.

Chic

One day before Econs exam and I don't know why I'm feeling zero sense of urgency.
Spent the whole day napping, watching cake boss and pawn stars.
I hope I'm not over confident.

Watching cake boss gives me an incredible urge to bake or work in a bakery.
The cakes they make are sooooooo gorgeous.
Go and watch it on youtube, it's good entertainment.

I need to do smth to my hair, it's getting flat and way too long.
I think hair is too long once it's past your elbows!

Chase and Hold

I chanced upon this while packing my room.
I still remember the day I received it. It was two years ago.
There was special event in school where you can preorder Sticky sweets for your friends and there would be someone to deliver it to you in class that day.

It was kinda pricey so none of our classmates bought for each other.
But that day I received a card to come to the booth to collect sweets that someone has ordered for me, which was extremely surprising since all of us didn't get for each other.

So I went round asking my classmates and even my favourite girl, Amanda, if they actually ordered for me but no one said they did.

I'm a total gifts person and if you ever want to make my day, just get me something. Anything.
Even small things like a couple sweets or cookies or a single stalk of flower.

So I went to collect, expecting it to be one of my classmates who probably wanted to keep it as a surprise.

& I got this. Together with a pack of Smiley Sticky sweets.

Two things:
I do not know who Bryan is. But he left his class there and it appears to be a senior.
And it was surprising because he knows my class. And there are 38 classes in JC1.

Even until now, I do not know who Bryan is. But I know he exists because my friend went to check it up.

But it's such a sweet and subtle gesture that never left my mind.
Whatever his motive was, that small act completely made my day.

I still keep every card, most gifts that everyone has given me and everyone of them holds a place in my heart though the some of the friendship have been lost.
I still miss everyone of them.

Plan B

I would give so much to be a really really healthy person.

It annoys me as hell whenever I want and try to study but end up falling sick and have completely zero energy to even read two sentences.
On a good week, I fall sick at least twice.

I just want to be those people who falls sick like once every six months.

I'm sick of being sick. Hate my body :<

Daddy

Just back from a Chinese restaurant which cost a bomb.
Food was good but not so not worth the money.

I ordered most of my favourites although it's father's day hehe so it was a good lunch.

Oh & I finally got the highly raved Bio-essence face lifting cream, can't wait to try it out!

The Secret

So Michelle was whatsapping me yesterday, asking if I had read XX's post on The Secret.
Which I have, just earlier that day.
And I have heard about The Secrets months ago, visited the website, read a couple articles about real life changing stories.

Everyone will have a different reaction to it.
& mine was not the least bit inspiring.

To be frank, I am a very very pessimistic person & The Secret says to try to have positive energy and look forward to good things, so good things will come your way.
Firstly, that is really easy to say cos it's really hard to change a mentality (no matter how destructive).
Anyway, I'd rather not be optimistic because the disappointment after,  being let down because no good things come my way, sucks big time.

I've been hurt by people. I've hurt people.
I know what it feels like to be disappointed and I know what it feels like to disappoint others and both are probably one of the worst feelings in the world so my pessimism to me, is justified.

But obviously it's not healthy I know, who wants to mop around all day.
But just because The Secret says good things will come my way if I am positive, am I supposed to 100% believe it in?
I mean all the stories are really credible and believable and I am in awe over some extraordinary recounts.

What about those stories unspoken or unpublished? Did good things happen to them too?

Anyway, I'm not saying The Secret is crap or anything.
Everything there is good and meaningful and it obviously doesn't hurt to adopt some of its advices on life.

 But I am a person who doesn't believe in words anymore.
Words mean nothing to me.
Even when I went to find out my love language, my strongest one is Receiving Gifts which I completely agree.
& my weakest ones were Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation.

So to have The Secret work its magic in your life, you need to have some faith in words and follow through the steps they suggest and truly believe that your life will change for the better.
I don't think I could ever make myself truly believe in that.

Maybe in future, I will be more accepting of The Secret but till then, I strongly believe that good things come your way if you work for them.
Only if you work your ass off, you will get it.
It's not luck or good karma or positive thinking, it's purely hard work.

I can tell myself and believe that I am going to get straight As for A levels and become a damn awesome lawyer. I can say that a thousand times & it will probably still get me nowhere if I don't work for it.

Out of my mind

If you know me well enough, you must know I am a PAP supporter.

I have tons of reasons why I support it and sometimes, I may support it too fervently (As quoted from B)

But I honestly do not understand why all the brainless gits absolutely hate the PAP or absolutely love the Workers Party.

Brainless because one of the main policies of the Workers party is enforcing a minimum wage and that would completely ruin Singapore's economy because we need to be hell competitive to even stand a chance of surviving.

And I have heard too many people saying that they support Workers Party simply because "I hate the PAP"

You miserable follower.

I feel quite blessed to be living here.

It's not perfect obviously and I do get pissed at slow trains or expensive cab fares.

But everything else, compared to other countries, is really very well done.

Our ministers are insanely smart & humble.

Once again, I do not understand how that JC student would even have the guts to challenge the DPM because the DMP was outstanding and had prestigious achievements academically since young.

He's ten times smarter and better than that JC student will ever be.

 On a totally different note, I am utterly screwed for Midyears.

Unattainable

(W/ edits)
I swear it's insane how much I hold on to people who don't give two fucks about me.

It hurts,
but this is going to be my last try.

Will be thinking a lot tonight.
After tonight, I'm never looking back.

Been such a complete fool and it's true,
what's lost will never appear to be the same again.

What I do before bed

 

Not the best picture but I changed my parting (Finally it's a long enough) before heading for Pizza with family and Grandma at Kovan.

Been a long while since I've been to Kovan and it always brings back a lot of memories.

So here goes, what I always do before bed.

1. Rub Jergens Cherry Almond lotion on my hands and feet

2. Tuck my entire body till the chin under the blanket.

3. Toss and turn till I get into a comfortable position or lay in bed for hours thinking of a particular something that may be bothering me.

4. Quick prayer

5. Check that I have no notification on my phone cause it burns the battery if I leave a notification unacknowledged cos this tiny light will continue to beam. The light is unnoticeable but it drains the battery & I wake with a 10% battery life which sucks.

6. Try to sleep.

I have no toys on my bed. But with two pillows and one bolster.

Wild one

I am recently in a bout of undermining myself and feeling extremely inferior.
I mean, I've always felt that, especially when I see slim and beautiful girls but even more so recently.

There is actually A LOT of pretty girls in Singapore. ( I didn't think so before )
Always at town, I spot at least twenty a day and that is just from Orchard to Dhoby.
I will be tugging at whoever's with me that day and like " EH LOOK SHE DAMN PRETTY"

And I am more obsessed with pretty girls than good looking boys.
I may be weird.

Just a continuous flow of thoughts like 'I wish I had her legs', 'I wish I had her eyes', 'I wish I can smile like that', 'I wish I can fit into that dress she wears'.
Damn damn damn.

Been watching Gordon Ramsey's shows A LOT at the expense of studying.
He's one of my favourite men heehee.

Berries

How do you look at the person you love and tell yourself it's time to walk away?

Mind over matter

I really admire girls who can simply step out of a more than two year long relationship.
I mean, just the mere action of taking a huge leap away from everything you've built together for at least two years, that's commendable.

How do they do that?
Where did they find the courage, promise and resolve?

I think, once a relationship is past the two year milestone,
You will always love each other.

Yeah they may end up going separate ways and will continue loving others in future.
But no matter what, they will always love each other, somehow.
They will still share the same chemistry as they had for each other on Day 1.
And they will have the exact same memory flashbacks if they ever meet again.

Inside

I dreamt of A.
It was so damn vivid, so clear.
Like everything was good again but somehow it was strange.
Because when I woke up, it was only a dream.

Bittersweet.

For a change

Everyone is in their own little world, there is no one world that two person shares.