Once again

In yet another dilemma again.

I have prelims tomorrow and these are all I'm thinking about.

*shoots myself*

 

Should I cut my hair?

I've permed several months ago and now the curls have pretty much died out and left some wavy waves which I really like!

But it's way too long and heavy and flat and dull.

 

So if I cut it, all my waves will be gone and I'll be left with super straight hair, almost rebonded like.

Because that's honestly my natural hair, which sucks.

 

I hate straight hair more than anything.

 

I don't wanna perm it again anytime soon after the cut bcos it does take some time and conditioning for perm hair to look nice & right now,

I don't really have the time for that.

 

Loving these kind of hair right now.

 

Conflicted

Should I get this?

This has been at the back of my mind for the last three days.

I have almost an equal number of friends asking me to go for it and not get it.

Also, I have absolutely no reason for this bag except that I've been into pastel colours lately.

And this bag is a nice shade of mint.

It's also at a fraction of the usual price.

MAJOR DILEMMA.

Those green eyes

A very old picture from long ago, where I was preparing to go out after school.

When I could afford the time to even go out after school.

Life was swell then.

Reckless

I tell myself that I don't need anyone.

But the truth is, they don't need me.

Feeling very lonely today.

10 movies you must watch

10 of my all time favourites & with legit reasons!

(In no preferential order)

1. Vantage point

One of the most nerve wrecking shows ever.

Shows all the different perspectives from different people on the same terrorist scenario, and finally using all their perspectives to piece together the truth.

The ending is extremely unexpected & doesn't leave you hanging without answers!

2. Lord of the Rings Trilogy

Personally, I thought the The Two Towers (2nd) was the best out of the three.

This movie is the only movie that could be even better than the book.

3. The Notebook

 I've watched this a thousand times & never fail to still tear at certain scenes.

It tugs at your heart strings and if you don't cry watching this..

I don't know what's wrong with you.

4. Troy

Besides having the perfect crew like Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom, Eric Bana & Diane Kruger etc, this show is just utterly romantic, violent and thrilling to watch.

5. The Pursuit of Happyness

If you're having a shitty day, watch this & you can instantly feel better because Chris (Will Smith) in this show would have probably went through a hundred times more shit than you.

& it's based on a true story.

Okay I'm tired, 5 more the next entry.

I have been sleeping like a log.

The thing about rumours

Rumours can be the most annoying thing that just destroys everything, every single plan you have, every impression you want to make.

Trust me, I've been dealing with it since I was 14.

Some rumours may be true.

But when it finally gets to your ears, it's usually from someone you hardly have much connection with.

And you spend the whole damn day thinking how news could have travelled so far.

Guessing who may have already heard about it, 

Wondering whom you may have wrongly placed trust in,

Especially when you only told a certain few.

Let's face it, we all have spread certain rumours and spilled secrets.

I have & I'm not proud of it.

But when it happens to you, the feeling is just "fuck this" and a day of brooding and looming around.

The WORST feeling is naively thinking that you can start afresh in a new school, group of friends, club etc.

But no, the past (truth and awful rumours) will eventually catch up.

Run

Today, I learnt that there is two sides to everything.

If you choose to make a conclusion without knowing them both, then you're living a lie.

Periwinkle

I'm a total text person.

Back in secondary school, I was completely a on the phone person.

Always having late night calls, even on school days.

My record once lasted seven hours, till 8am in the morning.

But now, I can't even be bothered to be on the phone for more than 5 minutes.

It's burdensome hahaha.

I think I text people almost the entire day, except for the times I'm sleeping.

For me, texting helps keep me awake in school, esp when even lecturers have no idea what they're rambling about.

& by texting so much, it has made me very intolerant of people who replies very slowly.

It's really my pet peeve.

Oh and news about an past friend of mine from someone cracked me up tonight.

Mellows

It would have been 27 months today.

P.S. Fuck friends.

Dairy Queen

Ice cream that will never fall.

Michelle, the only girl in NY who gets me without me saying anything out loud.

The team minus a few.

People who I admire

People who can sing.

People who can sketch cartoons.

People who have amazing memory.

People with sharp noses.

People with big eyes.

People with perfect legs.

People who are photogenic.

People who are so hardworking it kills them to even rest for a day.

People who eat and never get fat.

People who aren't fat.

People who are born gorgeous.

People with nice hair.

People who are born rich.

People who have insanely cool parents.

People who have huskies as pets.

People who drives a Volkswagen or Audi.

Because I'm none of that.

Unfeeling

As if I'm not going through enough these days, 

my parents had to make a big fuss about my results.

They aren't fantastic results, but more than half the school would die for my results.

I am at least top 80 percentile in the school for most of my subjects.

Actually, I am already getting quite used to this.

But it doesn't mean I have to accept that my parents, who are biologically inclined to love and support me unconditionally, doubts me more than anyone else I know.

I still remember clearly that my mom told me not to expect too much for my Chinese at the O levels.

That she expects a C or D.

I got an A1.

During a family trip to HongKong, my mom told me not to expect too much for my O levels results and she's expecting a 15 points or so.

(Probably bcos my older brother who they dote on so much was a 15 pointer as well.)

I got nine points, straight As for my L1R5.

My mom just told me ten minutes ago after seeing my results to make plans in case I don't get into a university.

It's less than three months to my A levels.

If you have nothing nice to say, then please don't say anything.

I don't need anyone busting my chops and giving me a hard time right now.

Just not tonight

It takes very little for me to hurt and for someone to crush my world.

But once I get back up, I'm unbreakable.

I think, 

I still have a long way to go before getting back up.

There are days I feel like I'm getting there.
Telling myself that I have a lot more to look forward to.

And there are days I feel like getting a million tattoos to remember how pain feels.
A diversion.
Today I just feel like knocking myself out.

Strawberries and Champagne

Best day I've had in so long because I didn't go to school for stupid celebrations and I met Shaun!

Satisfied my craving for Astons, finally.

& watched Batman yet again which didn't disappoint for me.

But Shaun was bored the second round.

Back to books while I contemplate whether to go AMK to study tomorrow with HQ.

Wild facts

1. It's 2.54 & I was rudely woken up by mozzies buzzing around me.

2. I would pay $300 to watch Maroon 5/Coldplay/Westlife live in performance.

3. I have never downloaded a single movie/music in my life. ( I always had my friends help me)

4. I watch A LOT of movies. I practically know every single movie people talk about & more.

5. I grew a sudden love for Siew Mai this year.

6. Xinwang cafe cheats the living daylights of your money.

7. I would choose Island Creamery over Cold Stone/Ice cream chefs/ Ben & Jerrys.

8. I know most of the best food places in Singapore.

9. I can eat more than a guy. (Not often)

10. I found my first two strands of white hair yesterday and I'm terribly upset.

Dale

Pic of me and my horrible head of hair before I head to bed.

Do not judge, no one looks good before bed and I'm wearing my cartoon nightdress.

I have been fretting a lot on what to do about my hair.

It is completely out of shape but my fringe is not long enough for me to cut it the way I want it to be.

Plus I don't wanna cut the rest of my hair without cutting the fridge.

Looking forward to the short week ahead.

Say goodbye

Dr  S. shared this with us during lecture, about a very disillusioned man.

Words are the cheapest

I would say I'm probably the most depressed person on Earth right now after everything that has happened.

To be truly in love, does not mean that two people have to be together.
It's always about the current circumstances, to me.

But these days have shown me a lot about people. A hell lot.

People who are fucking insensitive and need a reality check.

People who I hoped was there but wasn't as much.

People who are nonchalant about everything except themselves.

People who are the sweetest with encouragement and love.

People who will always have my back.

People who surprised me with their concern.

Above everything else, I failed to see myself as the worst being.
Beyond flawed in so many aspects.

But thank you, for every single one of you who had the thought of me, at least in your mind.

Running late

Was in fact early until I caught the Olympics events for Gymnastics in the morning till I lost track of time.

It's August. It's now or never for me.

I can't even manage completing a math paper on my own :(

My lazy eye is on my left & it's probably the ugliest smallest eyes ever.

On a good note, many birthdays in August. 

I love birthdays.

I love helium balloons.