Nineteen minutes

Ask  a random kid today if she wants to be popular and she'll tell you no, even if the truth is that if she was in a desert dying of thirst and had the choice between a glass of water and instant popularity, she'd probably choose the latter. 
See, you can't admit to wanting it, because that makes you less cool. To be truly popular, it has to look like it's something you are, when in reality, it's what you make yourself.

I wonder if anyone works harder at anything than kids do at being popular. I mean, even the president of USA take vacations but look at your average school students, and you'll see someone who's putting in time twenty four hours a day, for the entire length of the school year.

So how do you crack your inner sanctum? Well, here's the catch: it's not up to you. What's important is what everyone else thinks of how you dress, what you eat for lunch, what shows you watch and what music is on your iPod.

I've always wondered though: If everyone else's opinion is what matters, then do you ever really have one of your own?

This made me think of some bloggers, especially those who think they are popular and get a significant number of hits. Your public facade masks every ugly thing you're hiding inside.

End up alone

Just a short rant before I head off to lifeless studying.

Y'know those classmates or friends of yours who makes pretty good notes and are pretty damn smart ( or extremely hardworking) but they're so damn fucking selfish?
Yes. Everyone's met them.
And if they don't loiter anywhere else, there is a fucking huge population of them in JCs. 

I was even close friends with *.
And I know A levels is a competition over the entire nation & all these but well, I am your close friend right?
Are you even that calculative and selfish to your close friend?
It's like you can succeed but not just that, others need to fail in order for you to succeed.

Here's my stand.
If you're that smart and that intelligent, you don't need to even feel threatened by others.
You don't need them to not do that well so you would do well.
So what if they get hold of your notes?
* would have gotten the clearest understanding and knowledge from making her own notes.

Selfish pricks in the ass.

P.S: * already completed her As with flying colours when I asked her for her notes. What does she even need it for? Fucking sleep with them? Make a curtain with them? Damn.

Thank God I have met a rare breed of others like this girl, Isabella.
I wasn't as close to her as * but she was crazy sweet and kindly put her notes in a large envelope and posted it to me.
I was so touched that day.

Holidays

I will lose 3 kgs this June.

And I swear one third of Singaporeans are retarded.

Before I go to sleep

I love this weather, now at 5.48pm.
My bed is warm and fuzzy, but not too warm.
I feel like everything revolves around me and everyone is looking out for me.
I feel at peace and I can fall asleep instantly even if I'm not sleepy.
I have nothing worrying my mind.

But at night, it is different.

I am fighting my fears.
I feel completely alone and I am alone.
I sing happy songs in my head to keep me optimistic.
I think back at the times where I had someone beside me in bed but no, not tonight.
Somewhere in the midst of thoughts and paranoia, I fall asleep.
It's rare that I get a good night's rest.

And in the morning, I wake up early to fight another day's battle.

Ten things that I love.

In no particular sequence, whichever pops to my mind first.

1.Melted cheese. With anything and everything, bread, seaweed chicken, fries etc.
2. Seaweed shaker and twister fries from Macs.
3. Sashimi. Fresh thick slices nomnomnoms.
4. White roses.
5. Famous Amos no nuts cookies. Chocolate chip or white chocolate.
6. Dogs. The bigger, the better.
7. My hair dryer. I am not used to any other brands and my hairdryer has been with me for 3 years plus!
8. Cold water. I only drink cold water. Room temperature water disgusts me.
9. Bagadale (?) This malay snack of mashes potatoes with minced meat and fried with outer layer of egg. Ohsogood.
10. Sunny side up eggs.

Crap. I love food too much.

Wedding bells

Let me just say, this is beautiful.
The wedding, from the quiet, serene start to an emotional, dramatic end with speeches and love songs in open picnic grass.
This is truly a blessed wedding.

I teared from start to end.
& it made me think long and hard.
I cried for a long fifteen minutes after.

I'm going to be thinking about this for a long time.

Revelations

I hardly get angry at anyone, like really furious.
It dies off pretty fast.

But these days, I get angry just like that.
Like extremely easily. And fast.
It's like fucking ten zillion morons are trying to get on my nerves.

Last 20

81 - What are you thinking right now?
How to get rid of this insane migraine and be well by tomorrow

82 - Who is the 6th person in your contacts?
Alfred

83 - Do you have any memories you want to erase?
None, actually.

84 - Have you been hurt so bad that you can’t find words to explain how you feel?
Yes. To the extent of literally feeling the heartache in my chest.

85 - Did you ever badmouth someone?
Yup.

86 - Have you ever had an argument with someone?
Yup.

87 - Do you have trust issues?
Only to those who have misplaced my trust before.

88 - Are you broken-hearted?
Not at the moment.

89 - Who’s the person who first comes to your mind when someone mentions “love”?
B.

90 - Do you think all the pain is worth it?
Mental pain, yeah. Physical, no.

91 - Do you believe in the phrase “If it’s meant to be, it will be”?
Absolutely.

92 - Do you want to marry?
Yes, when I'm 28.

93 - Do you believe in destiny?
Yes, very much.

94 - Have you ever thought “I already found my soulmate”?
Yes.

95 - How do you look right now?
Like unimaginable shit.

96 - Do you believe that first true love never dies?
No, because it is not the case for me.

97 - Have you found your true love?
I hope so.

98 - What should you be doing right now?
Studying my ass off/Sleeping.

99 - Name one of your ex-boyfriends/ex-girlfriends.
ssm.

100 - Did you ever feel like you’re not good enough?
Constantly.

Twelfth Night

Twelfth Night at Fort Canning was beautiful.
Although I was insanely sick and having a terrible migraine and runny nose throughout, the very well done play together with my loveliest friends was just perfect.
( All of us except silly Keefe who does not want to watch the play because he hasn't read it)

Twelfth Night made me fall in love with two things.

Firstly, Shakespeare.
I mean, who don't?
All politicians love and quote Shakespeare ever so often.
His plays are mind blowing.
Although it was written many great years ago, it is so relevant till today and manages to impress people, entertain people and evoke emotions in people.
Macbeth was good last year, Twelfth Night was awesome this year and I can't wait for a play on Richard III.

Secondly, Adrian Pang.
He is the exact representation of handsome, smart, funny and classy.
Every man should be like him hahaha.
Always loved him in MediaCorp but MediaCorp was seriously not doing him justice for his talents.
He wasn't lead role yesterday but in my opinion, he gelled the whole play together and was the missing piece to some scenes in the play.
And his voice, his lovely voice.
I sound like a crazy kpop fan declaring love, but for Adrian Pang.
And I must say Zachary and Xander (his two sons) are extremely cute.