December is supposed to be the happy month.
Because everything is coming to an end.
And because it's my birthday month, if anyone cared to remember.
But for me, the feeling of drowning is only starting.
I miss people, who do not miss me.
I still love people, who hurt me before.
I think I am losing my mind.
"Baby, can do you me a favour?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Please say yes to this"
"Yes, anything for you darling."
"I'm a bit embarrassed to ask for this favour"
*Heart feeling itchy already* "Yeah go ahead"
"If it's not too much to ask, could you love me forever?"
*AWWWWWWWWWWWWW*
"I always will babyboy"
What's good is that it doesn't get any worse than whatever I'm going through now.
But it doesn't get any easier either.
Everyday is like a slap in my face, 'You're a fucking failure'.
And the day goes by with everyone reminding me that I'm not good enough.
It never ends & I just want to stop feeling.
I want to feel nothing, completely nothing.
You asked me what's my plan.
My plan is to find a way to kill myself.
I wonder if you feel the awkward silence that I feel.
I wonder if your mind races for something to say, something so insignificant that it doesn't bring the past up, and make the space between us colder.
I wonder if you think of all the great times we shared when you look at me.
I wonder if one day, we could be like that again.
I wonder if you miss me sometimes, cos I do so much, so much so that I cant look you in the eye.
I wonder if you feel sad just looking at me.
I wonder if you'll ever read this.
I wonder if you even feel any of these, Cause I do.
I wonder if I can take it if you say you feel nothing at all.
I miss you, y'know? I've never gotten over it.
